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10 Things I Hate About Bare Windows

Posted on September 14 2017

1.  I’m sure there’s a murderer peering in at me while I’m watching Dexter at 1am.

 

2.  During the summer months it’s as though the sun rays are battling my air conditioner in a fight to see how high they can get the electric bill. In the winter I’ll find myself lounging as far away from my big beautiful windows as possible, as the draft seems to aim directly at my feet.

 

3.  I enjoy gazing out the window in a daydream as much as the next person. But if my glance happens to cross my neighbor’s wide open windows only to find a naked guy standing there drinking a cup of coffee at 3 in the afternoon it certainly affects the course of my thoughts.

 

4.  There’s something about the act of spreading open the curtains in the morning, as though you’re going to seize the day and let the sun shine in. “Bring it on world!”

 

5.  TV glare, 'nuff said.

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6.  “Did you just move in?” No, dear friend, I did not just move in. I paid for these large windows and the view, so I intend to enjoy them to the fullest. “Well I can see your neighbor drinking coffee in his tighty-whities.” Oh good, he’s wearing underwear today.

 

7.  In the unlikely event I need to hide from an intruder, or perhaps a nephew playing hide-and-seek, I don’t have the luxury of hiding behind some tall curtains with just the tips of my shoes peaking out from the floor. Always wanted to do that.

 

8.  Thunderstorms can be a marvel to watch. Thunderstorms at 3am when you’re trying to sleep, not so much.

 

9.  When the in-laws make a surprise visit it’s a little tough to pretend you’re not home when they’re looking at you scramble under the coffee table. “We see you, Tom!” Oh hello! Just looking for the remote!

 

10.  Picture this - the fire’s lit, second bottle of wine breathing, Yanni’s greatest hits plays softly from the stereo, everything is in place. “Tom, I think I see your neighbor looking at us.” Is he wearing clothes? “Yes, he is.” Sounds like progress to me!

  

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